I posted here around this time last year, and now I'm having the same problem again. I felt pain by the bump in my head, around my left ear, and I freaked out. I've noticed a bump on my left side since around November of 2007, when I was feeling around my head for swollen lymph nodes, as I had mono then. I had panic attacks over it last year, which subsided after a lot of issues happened and my depression came back. I started worrying about it again when I had a bad headache back in the end of November, where I felt like the area around my left temple and eye was about to explode. My head hurts sometimes, usually after I've been outside, and while my parents brushed it off as the cold, I'm scared it really was a brain tumor I had and that I shouldn't have believed it was anxiety.
Now that bump hurt today, I feel pains in different places on my head, mostly on the left but the right as well, short pains but enough to freak me out. I feel like I'm forgetting things, like I'll think about something I want to look up online or say to someone, but I end up doing something else, one minute later I forget what I was going to look up and have to think about it before I remember. I noticed this a lot more now and it scares me. Also, I'm again back to feeling fuzzy when I wake up, like I'm still half in my dreams and my thoughts go all over the place, and I feel like I'm going insane. I check the mirror to see if my pupils are even, and I keep thinking my left is smaller than my right, but I can't tell for certain. My left ear feels clogged, like it's about to pop when I wake up.
I know I'm a hypochondriac because early in December, I cut my hand on a friend's car door handle, and I was freaking out thinking I would get tetanus. Then I was sick to my stomach last week and freaked out that something was wrong with my digestive system. But during the past two months, all I've been thinking was that I had a brain tumor and the pain I felt in my head today freaked me out. I feel like I can't talk to anyone, because my parents tell me to stop bothering and stressing them out, and they just really do their own thing. I can't talk to my boyfriend about it because my anxiety last year was part of what broke us up. Actually, it was right after I was having bad panic attacks that he broke up with me, and I stopped thinking about the brain tumor because of that. I can't bring it up with him because I'm terrified of losing him.
I'm scared to go to the doctor because I'm terrified it really is a tumor and there's no hope for me, that it grew so much and that I'm going to die soon. I keep thinking I have hardly any time left, and there's no point in continuing school, and that every happy time with my friends could be one of the last. I'm so scared of my life changing and losing my mind. Unlike last time, I haven't spoken about this to anyone outside my family or gone online to WebMD or anything, but the thought is still there. I just feel so afraid that I'm really, truly sick, and that a brain tumor is causing the head pain, depression, and everything else.