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Sat, Jan. 24th, 2009, 09:19 pm

I posted here around this time last year, and now I'm having the same problem again. I felt pain by the bump in my head, around my left ear, and I freaked out. I've noticed a bump on my left side since around November of 2007, when I was feeling around my head for swollen lymph nodes, as I had mono then. I had panic attacks over it last year, which subsided after a lot of issues happened and my depression came back. I started worrying about it again when I had a bad headache back in the end of November, where I felt like the area around my left temple and eye was about to explode. My head hurts sometimes, usually after I've been outside, and while my parents brushed it off as the cold, I'm scared it really was a brain tumor I had and that I shouldn't have believed it was anxiety.

Now that bump hurt today, I feel pains in different places on my head, mostly on the left but the right as well, short pains but enough to freak me out. I feel like I'm forgetting things, like I'll think about something I want to look up online or say to someone, but I end up doing something else, one minute later I forget what I was going to look up and have to think about it before I remember. I noticed this a lot more now and it scares me. Also, I'm again back to feeling fuzzy when I wake up, like I'm still half in my dreams and my thoughts go all over the place, and I feel like I'm going insane. I check the mirror to see if my pupils are even, and I keep thinking my left is smaller than my right, but I can't tell for certain. My left ear feels clogged, like it's about to pop when I wake up.

I know I'm a hypochondriac because early in December, I cut my hand on a friend's car door handle, and I was freaking out thinking I would get tetanus. Then I was sick to my stomach last week and freaked out that something was wrong with my digestive system. But during the past two months, all I've been thinking was that I had a brain tumor and the pain I felt in my head today freaked me out. I feel like I can't talk to anyone, because my parents tell me to stop bothering and stressing them out, and they just really do their own thing. I can't talk to my boyfriend about it because my anxiety last year was part of what broke us up. Actually, it was right after I was having bad panic attacks that he broke up with me, and I stopped thinking about the brain tumor because of that. I can't bring it up with him because I'm terrified of losing him.

I'm scared to go to the doctor because I'm terrified it really is a tumor and there's no hope for me, that it grew so much and that I'm going to die soon. I keep thinking I have hardly any time left, and there's no point in continuing school, and that every happy time with my friends could be one of the last. I'm so scared of my life changing and losing my mind. Unlike last time, I haven't spoken about this to anyone outside my family or gone online to WebMD or anything, but the thought is still there. I just feel so afraid that I'm really, truly sick, and that a brain tumor is causing the head pain, depression, and everything else.

Sun, Feb. 1st, 2009 07:37 pm (UTC)

I seriously understand what you are going through. I have been sick with a very awful "cold" and I am convinced that I have a deadly illness that has made my immune system weak. About a week or two prior I noticed these reddish purple dots on my legs that looked like my pores were turning colors. Last night I felt my heartbeat after coughing and it felt like my heart was moving abnormally and that there was something going on with it. Every time I have pain somewhere I think the worst and that I will have to have surgery or I am going to develop a disorder. I am so terrified to see the doctor, I haven't been in 8 years and I am 18 years old. I'm not sure if you're just looking for common ground and support with this but I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to who's going through this, I have no one to talk to about it either.

Thu, Oct. 29th, 2009 03:40 am (UTC)
sbelcar: stopping panic attack with methods that really work

A lot of people telling me how their anxiety
makes them feel very cut off or removed from the
world around them. This sensation can be distressing
as people fear that they will never be
able to feel normal again.

Stress or Anxiety can often feel like a thick fog has surrounded
your mind. Nothing really seems enjoyable as you are
always looking out at the world through this haze of
anxious thoughts and feelings. This fog steals the joy
out of life and can make you feel removed
or cut off from the world.

When someone is very caught up in anxious thoughts
they are top heavy so to speak. The constant mental
activity they are engaged in has caused an imbalance
where all of their focus is on their mental anxieties.

A powerful way to move out of this anxious
mental fog is to switch your focus from your head
to your heart.

By simply making a deliberate shift of attention to your heart
you will find the anxious thoughts dissipate more easily
and the mental fog starts to gradually clear.

What makes your heart happy?
What makes you feel good?
What good things do you currently have in your life?